Lost along the Way Home
by Leydhawk
Summary: Extra left over bits and pieces from the writing of the Home series. Not a complete story in itself. Please check out the rest of the series first, starting with Every Step Leads Home, then The Winding Road Leads Home, Heading Out Toward Home, A Long Way to Home with its companion piece Tim's Long Way to Home, and finally A Candle to Lead You Home. Slash, mostly Tim/Sam.


**Lost Along the Way Home**

_A/N Deleted, alternate, and unused bits and notes from the writing of the Home series. Think of it like a dvd extra. I've tried to put them in order of where they would have been placed in the stories. Please read the stories first._

Pre-**Home**

_My initial idea was that Sam needed a partner; one person who would love him unconditionally and be stalwart in support of him. Here are my original notes for the type of person I wanted for Sam._

Sam's somebody

Strong smart &amp; capable

Some miles on 'em

Upbeat enough to bring him up but needing him, too

Understanding about Dean being priority 1 (spiritual? Buddhist? Zen?)

~~~SPNCIS~~~

From **Every Step Leads Home**

_Once I found Tim McGee and had my concept, I wrote my first teaser._

Tim McGee and Sam Winchester had met three times before throughout their lives. Is this coincidence... Or fate?

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_There will be snippets like this that I cut or changed._

Distraction while he was awake was bad enough, but the dreams he'd had about the hours he'd spent with his arm around Tim for support: the heat of the closeness, the scent of him, was etched in Sam's mind and maddeningly haunted his sleep. Each morning when he woke naturally, a pang of disappointment had pierced him. His bed was empty

~~~SPNCIS~~~

From **The Winding Road Leads Home**

_A rockier start to their relationship was in my mind but I found I wanted Tim to be able to handle Sam's relationship with Dean in a healthy, encouraging way instead of with an ultimatum._

"I need more than this, too, Sam. But unless one of us will change our job, I don't know how that can be," Tim's voice was anguished.

"Why does that sound like you expect me to quit hunting? It's not even a job, man, it's more like a...calling," Sam snapped defensively. He wished they weren't doing this on the phone, he wanted so badly to see Tim's expression, to hold him or shake him or anything.

Tim was silent for a long moment. This was it; the moment to address the most glaring problem in their relationship. Turning point.

"It's not the job that calls you, Sam. It's Dean. I know you are all he has, and I know you both think that he can't live without you. But he can. He did. He will, if you make that choice. And this is it, now. This is the time, I am the person, and this is your chance. I love you. I am asking you to choose me, to choose us, over Dean."

_But Tim would have been unable to live without Sam for any length of time._

"I tried. I tried moving on, Sam, but the absolute truth is that the happiest I've ever been was when I was in a relationship with you. Even when I missed you so much my heart broke, it was still better and more important to me than any other time in my life. I'm begging you," Tim's voice broke and he felt tears sliding down both cheeks. "Please, Sam, will you take me back?"

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_I originally had Sam's reaction to the resort much more positive, and their stay an idyllic getaway, but realized it was way too soon for Sam to feel comfortable in public with Tim that way, even at a gay resort._

"Oh my God, Tim, this place is beautiful!" Sam looked like the proverbial slack-jawed yokel gaping at their room. Tim followed excitedly.

"You like it? I knew you would. And you know the best part?" Tim enthused. Sam looked at him. "It's a gay resort." Sam's eyebrows rose. "Sam..." Tim approached him and took his hand, lacing their fingers together. "We can hold hands. We can kiss in public, hug, not worry who's watching, what judgment people are making, any of that..." His eyes sparkled as the words tumbled out. Sam stood enthralled by this excited puppy version of Tim. Tim hesitated. "Maybe it's dorky, but, Sam... I really wanna hold your hand when we go for a walk," Tim's voice dropped in embarrassment. Sam pulled him close, keeping their fingers together and hugging him tight with his free arm.

"That's something I love about you, baby," Sam said, a little choked up.

"That I'm a dork? That's good."

"That when you want something, you find a way to make it happen. This is gonna be a great week."

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_I considered trying to keep weaving my story with the existing episodes after Tim and Sam were together, including a tag to the moment when Tim learned of the Admiral's cancer in 'Squall'. I went a different way with Tim's father's illness instead._

Tim turned from the interrogation room window where he'd just learned his father was dying. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text.

T-On a case in Norfolk. I need u. Can u come?-

He clutched the phone, feeling a sob clench his chest as he swallowed it. He waited, the screen blurring. It buzzed and suddenly he could breathe again.

S-On my way. 18 hrs.-

Tim met Sam at a motel in Springfield when he was supposed to have gone home for a few hours to sleep. The door opened after his first knock and Sam engulfed him in a hug even as he pushed the door shut.

"I'm here," Sam whispered, knowing immediately from the look on Tim's face that something terrible had happened. Tim sagged against him and let the tears come. Sam stroked his hair, rocking him slightly as he felt the deep sobs Tim cried silently. His own eyes filled at the pain his lover was in.

The shuddering breaths calmed eventually, and Sam drew Tim over to sit on the bed. He touched Tim's face and held his hand as Tim told him the news about his father's illness.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_Alternate way for Sam to tell Dean the truth. A lot of this was still used, just the context was different._

"We're gonna have a visitor," Sam told Dean. They'd had a good morning together, so Sam had decided it was as good of a time as he'd probably get.

"Huh? Who?" Dean looked up from the sofa. Sam smiled and shrugged. "Finally! You don't even talk about her, just sneaking off for your phone calls. So she knows about the business? How'd she take it? Can she bring a friend?" Dean waggled his eyebrows.

"Dude, will you shut up for a minute? I need to tell you something about-"

"What, is she old?"

"No, it's-"

"Fat? You got yourself a fatty?"

"Dean-"

"Ugly? Fugly? With a good personality, I get it-"

"Tim!"

"-what?"

"His name is Tim. It's a guy, Dean."

Dean frowned, then his expression cleared. "Not funny, Sammy. C'mon now..." He stared as Sam's face stayed in its sincerest puppy expression. "No... Wait-what?"

"The person I've been meeting, calling... He's a man."

Dean stood still, all trace of amusement gone. He still looked perplexed. "So...when did you go gay?" He shook his head. "And how did I miss it?" He muttered to himself.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_First alternate ending. It would have extended the story past its conclusion, so I chose to continue Tim's angst over the near breakup into Heading Out instead. _

There was something fragile in the looks Tim gave him when he didn't think Sam saw him, a sadness Sam wanted to address but didn't know how.

"Tim, I..."

Tim buried his face in Sam's neck, smelling him, burrowing beneath the long hair with his eyes closed tightly. He was memorizing every instant the best he could, and he was unaware that Sam could feel him trembling. This was too much, too hard. Tim clenched his jaw and gave Sam a quick kiss then wrenched himself away and jumped into the rental car. With barely a glance and a nod, he drove away.

Sam shivered, the loss of Tim's presence such a shock he stood for nearly a minute after the sound of the car had faded before he could move. "Baby..." He whispered. He fumbled in his pocket for his phone and stared at it for a while, uncertain, before he dialed.

Tim's hands ached with how hard he was holding the steering wheel, and his phone rang three times before it even registered to his mind. He answered automatically.

"McGee."

"Tim, can, uh, can we talk while you drive? For-for a little bit, like we did that, our uh, first weekend?" Sam's voice held a child-like cringe that made Tim's heart hurt.

"Of course, Sam. I shouldn't have left like that, it's...it's just so tough to say good-bye, I couldn't stand it. Are you - okay?"

Tears were streaming down Sam's cheeks, silent sobs shaking his body, but he whispered so Tim might not be able to tell. "I love you."

Tim's shoulders slumped. "I..." There were words he needed to say. He'd needed to say them since That Night, but over the phone was wrong, and he hadn't been able to say them before. He cleared his throat. "I love you too, Sam."

"Please," Sam choked. He didn't know what he was asking, just that there was a gaping need in him and he knew only Tim could make it better.

Tim rubbed his forehead. "Oh, Sam. It's okay. We'll talk every day. I promise."

"I don't... I need to... Tim..." Sam couldn't articulate anything. He felt a crushing weight on his chest. "Please."

Tim pulled the car onto the shoulder and checked his mirrors before he flipped a u turn. He didn't say anything, just listened to the hiccupping breathing of Sam through the phone for the few minutes it took to return. He pulled up next to Sam and got out of the car, pulling Sam into his arms and letting him cry into his jacket collar.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_Second alternate ending. Really just an alternate way for Dean to tell Sam about what Gabriel did, and a much too reasonable reaction from Sam. I had to ramp up the drama. Way up._

(When Dean told Sam what he and Cas had found out from the cherub who'd repeatedly tagged Sam and Tim at the behest of the archangel Gabriel before he died, Dean was shocked at how unconcerned Sam seemed.)

"Sammy, I need to tell you something," Dean announced as Sam walked out of the kitchen with his second cup of coffee. Sam set the cup down on the table, set his shoulders, cleared his throat and shook his hair out of his eyes before he sat down.

"Okay," he said, concerned but keeping his voice neutral. Dean sat down.

"I think you'll be relieved, really," Dean prefaced. He cleared his throat. "So, ah, remember that, uh, cherub angel guy?"

"...Yeah..."

"Well, Cas and me got talkin' to one of 'em," Dean began. Sam felt a chill crawl across his scalp and down his spine then liquefy in an icy pool where he sat. "He-Sammy, he, um, he turned you gay, man."

Sam tensed, shoulder muscles knotting, straining the fabric of his shirt, and his face grew thunderous, brows knotted, lips compressed, jaw popping as it clenched. Dean caught the change and stopped talking.

"Gabriel orchestrated it," Cas offered, oblivious to the shift in Sam's mood until the big hunter's eyes turned their dark fire on him. Cas tilted his head and frowned, but continued his explanation. "He took the cherub back in time and had him affect you and Timothy McGee each time you met-"

"Yeah that's sick isn't it? Cupid shooting little kids?" Dean interjected.

"So when you were finally in a position to take action, you were overwhelmed by the cumulative effect of the arrows," Cas finished.

Sam sighed in relief, some of the tension draining from him. The obsessive intensity of his feelings for Tim had cause.

"See, I knew you'd be relieved!" Dean crowed, grinning.

"Yeah, I am relieved. I'm glad I know it's real."

Dean stopped cold. "Real? Sammy, this was something that was done to you. You don't have to do this," Dean's frustration made him aggressive.

"You don't get it, Dean. I don't care." Sam shrugged and took a deep breath, his shoulders loosening and his expression clearing.

"What?! How can you not care? Cupid sticks his little point in you and you just go along with it? Maybe we can get it undone, man."

Sam shook his head and rolled his eyes at Dean's choice of words. "I'm happy, Dean. What's wrong with just letting me be happy?"

"That d-bag trickster angel did this to you, dude. How is that okay?"

"What, Gabriel? The archangel who died saving us from Lucifer? That d-bag?"

"You do remember that he killed me. A lot. Right?"

Sam's gut still flipped when he thought of the mystery spot, but he wouldn't let Dean sidetrack him.

"I love Tim. Deal with it." He stood and reached to pick up his coffee.

"But you don't, Sammy! They just made you think you do!"

Sam aborted his move for his coffee cup and instead fisted his hand and punched Dean square in the face. Dean doubled over, holding his nose. Sam loomed close.

"Don't you ever tell me what I have with Tim isn't real. I don't care how it happened. I love him: period. End of discussion." His voice was low, threat aparent.

"But-"

"You don't get it! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me! Maybe Gabriel knew me better than I know myself, because Tim is perfect for me. You need to see us together more, dude. It's so great-"

"I do not need to see you more often with a guy, Sammy. It was disturbing enough the first time."

"Get used to it. I want him here. Either he's welcome, or I'm leaving," Sam snarled as he left the room. The bunker had never felt so confining. He snatched his cell phone off the charger, grabbed a jacket, and took off, walking fast. He wanted to get his head straight before he called Tim and tried to explain but he was so furious he needed to talk to him so he dialed.

"McGee."

"Can you talk?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way back from lunch. What's wrong?"

"Dean. He said what we have isn't real. He doesn't give a crap that you make me happier than I've ever been. He just has to shit all over everything that doesn't revolve around him and I'm sick of it!"

"Um, this is different from the way he's been since you told him how?"

"He and Cas..." Sam deflated. He stopped walking. How could he explain? "Um, were cherubs in the books?"

Tim frowned. "Fat naked huggy guys who make people fall in love? How does that-oh."

Tim was too damn smart. Sam had intended to break it more gently, leading him to the awareness of what had happened in such a way that he'd understand that it didn't matter how they'd fallen in love just that they were. "Um, so, Dean's wrong, baby. This makes us even more real than... I mean, Tim, I love you, and I don't want you to..." Sam hung by his fingernails to the silence on the other end of the line. "Baby?" His voice dropped to a hoarse whisper, nausea gripped him and the icy crawlers went back to work on his scalp.

"So we were shot by... Cupid? Seriously?" Tim's voice sounded distracted and incredulous.

"They-they said it was Gabriel, um, the archangel Gabriel, the trickster, who made a cherub shoot us every time we met so that we...we would...we wouldn't have a choice. I-I oh god, Tim, please, Dean's wrong, we're real, we're so real, everything..." Sam began to quake, his whole body trembling violently, his vision narrowing, a rushing sound in his ears. If Tim reacted badly to this... Sam had a moment of clarity as if he'd been slapped in the head. He'd die. He was done. Living without Dean, living without Jess, Dad, Bobby, Ruby... This was more. Worse. Profound. He stopped shaking, suddenly calm in his knowledge.

"-doesn't know what he's talking about," Tim said. Sam had missed it: missed Tim's reaction.

"Uh, what?"

"Are you okay, Sam?"

"I-I just... I kinda flipped out and missed what you said completely," he admitted. Tim laughed.

"Oh, Sam. Sam! I love you. Nothing and no one will ever change that. You...you're everything to me. Please don't let what Dean told you make you doubt that. I..." Tim's voice dropped. "I'd die without you, Sam."

"Oh, god, Tim. I wish I could kiss you right now."

"Me too. Weekend? Or... Can you come now? I have to work, but we talked about you coming to stay at my place for a week or two..."

"Kevin found a case, and it's in Maryland, so after..."

"Yes. I'll be waiting. I need to see you."

"We'll hook up as soon as I get near DC."

"Good. Sam... Be patient with Dean. He's trying to take care of you, he just has no idea how to."

"Ugh. Okay. I'll see you soon."

"Soon."

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_Character notes about Sam._

Sam: every chance at normalcy given up for Dean. Dean says he wants Sam to have normal life, family, grow old, but he sabotages. Dean thinks all he has is Sam, but he has Benny, Cas, Kevin. Sam was hoodwinked by Ruby, should he have to spend rest of his life making right? What is right? He though he was doing right with Ruby, vicious thought train. Dean did ok w/o Sam, but was playing a role. Doesn't Dean deserve to find an authentic life other than as Sam's caretaker? Opportunity w/Benny especially (Tim calls Cas flaky, Benny utterly loyal)

~~~SPNCIS~~~

From **Heading Out Toward Home**

_Alternate speech of Tim talking to Dean. I always tried to have Tim know how to handle Dean in ways Sam would never even think of with the intention that Sam would handle Tony likewise._

"Your world doesn't have awards. If it did, you and Sam would both have a Medal of Honor. You're heroes, and you deserve so much... But what I think you deserve most is happiness, both of you. Now, I don't know exactly what makes you happy, Dean, but I know that I make Sam happy. You have told him so often that you want him to have a normal life, to grow old and have a family and all that. I'm his chance for it. You're uncomfortable because of how this started, and because I'm a man, but Dean, I will take care of Sam, protect him, love him, as long as he'll have me. Nothing is more important to me than that. I don't want us pulling on Sam like a rope in a tug-of-war. There's no competition between us, Sam's got a huge heart and he loves us both.

"You deserve to have your own life, to find what makes you happy, to be who you are, not just as Sam's caretaker, but as your authentic self. So look, you aren't going to drive me off, but you may drive Sam away, and I don't want him hurt. Just...be careful. That's not a threat, Dean, and if I can help mediate between you, please, let me know, but be careful with Sam for a while. He loves me, and he's very sensitive about it still," Tim wound down. "I guess that's most of it."

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_Sam was originally much less accepting of Benny, the vampire who helped Dean through Purgatory, but I chose to have Tim's influence temper the reaction instead. These are texts with more of the vitriol._

S-freaking out, but cant talk. Can u txt?

T-yes. Go.

S-D got out of purg w/a "friend", Benny, who is a vamp. He rescued the thing!

T-wtf have u met him?

S-yeah. Says he only uses donated blood bought on the blk market. I cant believe D would do this!

T-stay calm, no rash decisions. Gather more info

S-I want to kill it

T-why

S-VAMPIRE

T-u let others go, ones who weren't a danger

S-how could he?!

T-breathe. Think.

S-abt what?! How to kill it

T-STOP, damnit. THINK

S-help me pls

T-B helped D get out?

S-I guess

T-that's a point in his favor. D-suspicious bastard that he is, trusts him, right?

S-yes

T-another point. U trust D?

S-mostly

T-then wait. Give him time to explain, &amp; B time to prove himself.

S-too mad

T-then get your ass out here. U need time &amp; space

S—tempting

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_My initial notes for the climax of the story. Took a meandering path to get there._

Case together: demon Crowley reveals demon at Annapolis: former confederate killing/injuring/washing out cadets, especially northerners

Sam sends T text about it, Tim looks at, &amp; other team people see his research, or cadet calls NCIS

Tim's been working on better covers for Sam &amp; Dean including PI's in all states, reporters, fish &amp; wildlife. Kinda working his way thru agencies easy to hard.

Suggests they use PI's, he contacts family of dead cadet &amp; gets them to hire boys.

Civvies only investigate off base-limited access

Both investigating- see Sam captured, unconscious; Tim freaks, walks numbly through gunfire - Tony dives, pulls him to cover. McGee fights - reveals Sam's his lover. Stops when Gibbs comes up and says they can't go in guns blazing (Tim realizes guns might not do the job). Tim: "Boss, I'll do anything, we've gotta get Sam out." Gibbs: "I know, Tim. We will." Tim warns Dean must be around - describes him as a hothead. They scout area, find Dean, when he sees Tim he scoffs "what are you doing here" bitter, scared for Sam. Tim convinces him they have to work together - feverish, crazy look in his eyes. Dean agrees. Demon is locked in body, Tim does the devil's trap bullet trick, exorcism not work, Dean pinned to wall, Tony &amp; Ziva locked out, Tim unloads clip into demon in rage, demon pins him, too. Gibbs sneaks up - 'boss, no!'

Final battle- Dean, Sam, &amp; Tim standoff, Tony, Ziva in other area or knocked out. Demon has boys pinned down, Gibbs sneaks up w/ a knife, Tim tries to warn him but all are shocked when the knife kills the demon. They point out that his knife isn't a knife like Ruby's. He shrugs. "The blade is." And walks out. He knew all along about monsters, maybe even met John or Bobby.

Break in case, emails from admin office, web posts, cell phone calls, going to warehouse where Cmdr has big plan for bomb of event which has been organized so only north cadets will die, he starts shooting at them

_(When I struggled with writing the casework for the NCIS team, I got this text from my muse, the friend who got me hooked on NCIS. She was shocked when I fell for Tim; I have no idea why since she knew I was a Sam girl and they're so much alike…) _I will ponder and see what I can come up with ... First thoughts are for NCIS - cell phone or email trace does the trick to get them somewhere but it could be all worked through spells of some kind so mcG finds that they are located out of the middle of nowhere abandoned industrial area according to the satellite triangulation that the signals were bouncing off of?

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_A bit that was pretty much just a sex pollen idea. Incomplete._

Tim was excited to be teaching a computer forensics seminar at Waverly University. Sam unofficially assisted him, and they enjoyed being able to see each other for two mornings each week.

Three weeks into the five week course, they were both frustrated by the distraction exhibited by the students. Sam sat off to the side of the classroom and rumbled warnings to students who grew too distracted. Tim came back to look at the screen of one of the girls, and his lanky form, bent over, sent Sam's mind in a whole different direction.

The curve of Tim's back put Sam in mind of showering together the night before. Tim used a scrub brush on his feet and had leaned over to do just that. Sam recalled the feel of Tim's skin under his hands as he'd begun. They'd progressed to kissing and laughing, ending up wrestling playfully until their night had ended sweaty and in need of another shower.

Sam felt his jeans grow tight and shifted. Motion at the rear of the classroom caught his attention. Two students were kissing, rapidly advancing to groping. Looking around the room, he saw that two other pairs were going at it, and the lone odd man out was unzipping his pants. Some part of him noted how strange the occurrence was, but when Tim came over to him, he stood, saw the nod to the door of the computer storage room, and followed Tim.

Tim locked the door behind them and loosened his tie, pulling it over his head. Sam was already stripping when Tim turned to him. Tim grinned and hurriedly removed his own clothes. Soon they were plastered together.

"What's...mmm," Tim moaned when Sam dropped down, kissing and nipping as he went. "Is this-oh god-weird?"

Sam sucked Tim deep. His own mind caught up and he released.

"Uh, yeah: weird, but-" he returned to the blow job.

"Ahh, I-don't-care!" Tim finished Sam's sentence. He pulled Sam up and backed him against the table in the middle of the room. Reaching around, he shoved the equipment off the surface and pushed Sam down onto it. He lifted Sam's legs and licked one ankle before he lined himself up and slid inside him.

Sam cried out and held onto the edge of the table as Tim fucked him. His mind was completely enthralled with the feel of Tim. Tim clutched Sam's legs and thrust fast and hard. Everything in his mind was utterly focused on wanting Sam. It went on and on, a miasma of sex and desire.

Tim was hours late and not answering his cell phone. The day was slow, so DiNozzo kept trying. He even called Sam, with as little result.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

"I worry that we're spending too much time having sex when we're together," Tim said. Sam stared at the unexpected turn their pillow talk had taken.

"You think too much," Sam replied, having considered and rejected any number of responses.

"I mean it, Sam. You are so much more to me than physical pleasure, precious time might be wasted on that."

Sam stroked his face. "Baby, if our purpose in having sex was just getting off, I might agree. But it isn't."

Tim relaxed. The answer was flawless. "You're right. Thank you," he said fervently. Sam smiled at his earnestness and kissed his forehead. "I'd like for us to try going out together, though. I've been thinking about where would be best, and I have a few ideas."

"We went to that club with Abby, and dinner with Penny," Sam said.

"I think we're both overly self-conscious and more experience would help. There are some gay neighborhoods where no one would blink even if we held hands or kissed. And there's an art gallery in one of them I've been wanting to go to but wasn't sure about going alone..."

"We can do whatever you want, baby. I just...I'm not sure how affectionate I'll be comfortable being in public."

~~~SPNCIS~~~

From **A Candle to Lead You Home**

_Sam ended up keeping in better contact with Dean than I had originally intended._

"I miss Dean," Sam said finally. He rushed to elaborate. "That must sound weird since all you've heard me do is complain about him, but-"

"That's not all I've heard you do," Tim interrupted. Sam tilted his head, still with the self-conscious look, the frown line between his brows, his lips pinched looking. Tim smiled softly. "I've heard you admire him, worry about him, reminisce about him. I get it, Sam. I actually missed Tony back when our team was split up a few years ago. Do you want to go see him? Invite him here? Work a case? Anything at all is okay."

Sam's expression changed to one of wonder. Tim never failed to amaze him in his understanding and kindness; he had the biggest heart of anyone he'd ever known.

"I don't know. I haven't even called him in weeks."

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_Just a few additional lines before Tim went on his assignment._

"A final thing for you to remember: You need me? I will be there. I don't give a fuck about legality. Call me, and I'm there, no matter what."

Tim gave a shaky laugh. "I believe you." He raised his head to look at Sam. "I believe all of it. I love you, Sam."

"I love you, Tim. Always."

"I should... You should know, um, you're the beneficiary on my life insurance and you get everything in my will. Nothing's gonna happen, Sam, but you should know."

Sam's heart hammered painfully and he tightened his hold on Tim. He didn't want to think about living without him. That thought was more horrific than anything he'd ever faced.

Miscellaneous

_Title ideas._

Lost On the Way Home

Truth Begins At Home

Finding the Way Home

The Truth Can Lead You Home

Journey Onward

Open, Honest, Home

The Beginning of Truth at Home

A Candle in the Night to Lead You Home

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_Phrases, dialogue, moments._

"You are my heart because without you I could not live."

"Keep your hands right here," Tim whispered, wrapping Sam's strong fingers around the head board. He ran his nose down Sam's sideburn. Sam shifted uneasily.

Sam stood, holding himself still. Tim stared at him. Sam needed him to be the one to move, to come to him and show everyone they were together. 'Come on, come on, Tim, please,' Sam thought at him. Tim swallowed hard, aware of the people, painfully conscious that this was a moment of commitment, of choice to be open or to hide. Sam's eyes were focused on him with incredible intensity, and he could feel his lover wanting him to make the move to stand with him, needing Tim to do this. And with that, Sam needing him, his feet carried him forward. No one else mattered. Yes, this was coming out in a big way, but it was inconsequential. Tim brought his hands up as Sam had so long ago, and touched the sides of his face, then leaned in and kissed him with all the love and tenderness in his heart. Sam put his hands lightly on Tim's hips, and Tim smiled, breaking off the kiss. Sam rested his forehead against his, and they looked at each other, unspoken excitement and nervousness shared in the moment. Tim shifted to Sam's side and held his hand, looking out at everyone watching. His eyes picked out the friends and family who were supportive, skipping past frowns of disapproval and jaws dropped in shock.

"Tim?" Sam rushed into the apartment, calling frantically.

Sam smiled, that slight curve of his lips that read much more in his eyes, then nodded and he walked away. Tim started to go inside, but watching the way Sam's body moved as he sauntered away down the sidewalk gave him pause. The familiar broad shoulders, balanced perfectly over his narrow hips and long legs with his almost militarily straight carriage and gait contrasted with the long hair Tim so adored. A woman brushed by Tim's shoulder with a polite murmur and he finally turned to go in. A final glance at Sam, now nearly a block away, amidst a small crowd but clearly visible as a head taller than anyone else made Tim smile as he passed through the door.

Sam's longer runs sometimes took him through the little park near the NCIS building. In the early spring, it seemed prudent to wait until later in the morning to run, and if his run occasionally coincided with Tim eating his lunch outside, well... Gibbs was right. There are no coincidences.

Sam stopped for a drink of water and scanned the area. Tim sat in the sun, kicked back on a bench, his long legs stretched out before him. Sam stilled, watching him. Tim sipped from a straw, and Sam knew it was a peach orange smoothie with wheat germ and an egg. Tim closed his eyes and turned his face to the sun, and Sam's breath caught in his chest. The sun gilded Tim's hair and gave his pale skin a warmer cast. He loved seeing Tim like this and only felt slightly stalkerish.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_There are plenty of M rated scenes I didn't get around to using. Figured readers wouldn't mind having those tossed in with the other bits. And if you've gotten this far reading such an odd assortment of drabble, here's your reward, right? ;-) _

"I was thinking..."

"You're always thinking, baby," Sam interrupted teasingly.

"About sex, Sam," Tim said, smiling.

"Mm, good thoughts. Particulars?"

"You, of course."

Sam ran his hand from Tim's shoulder down his back to his hip. "Yeah?"

"I think..." Tim's face was growing warm. "I'd like... I want to try again. With you, um-"

"Pitching? Really?"

"Um, yeah. We kinda agreed to, ah, switch hit, so..."

"Baby, I'm game if you are, but you don't have to..."

Tim moved closer and kissed Sam lightly. "I know." Sam studied Tim's eyes, relieved to see no negative emotion clouding them.

Tim caught the impish quirk to Sam's lips an instant before he felt himself spun around, his back to Sam's chest.

"Right here? Right now?" Sam asked, pushing Tim's shoulders forward and pulling his hips tight against himself. Tim sidestepped and spun away, laughing. Sam let him go, not wanting to turn a joke into a sparring match in the crowded apartment.

Tim returned to Sam's embrace, ducking to put his head on Sam's chest. Sam stroked his back.

"Anytime you want, Tim," Sam said quietly, his lips pressed to Tim's hair.

Tim reached up and stroked Sam's cheek. "You're getting pretty scruffy. You gonna grow a beard?"

"I don't know. If I'm not gonna be pre-texting, maybe I could. What do you think?"

"You're gorgeous, Sam. Bearded, clean shaven, or scruffy, it's all you so it's all great."

The answer was so totally Tim that Sam simply turned his cheek into the caress and smiled again.

Later, as Sam dragged his soft lips surrounded by prickly facial hair over Tim's chest, Tim confessed his appreciation for the texture.

"I changed my mind," Tim panted. "I like the whiskers."

Sam smiled and ran his chin over Tim's nipple. He arched, crying out, and Sam's mouth soothed the scrape. Tim's head tossed on the pillow and he moaned. A jingle announced that Jethro had come to investigate his master's voice, and Sam pointed to his bed in the corner. The dog settled with a huff and closed his eyes. Sam rolled Tim over, then pulled him up so they were kneeling together on the bed.

Sam stroked Tim's chest, flicking his nipples, and bent his head to kiss the back of his neck. Tim shivered. He was only slightly trepidatious. It had been good the other two times, and Sam seemed to really enjoy it when Tim was pitching. Sam was more well endowed than he was, but size wasn't really supposed to matter that much, as long as they took it slow. He'd researched it.

Sam's hand slid lower and he began to slowly stroke Tim's cock. Tim moaned, and Sam gently bit and sucked on his shoulder while he lubed his free hand. He brought his arm back around and slid his fingers up and down Tim's crack before penetrating him with his finger. Tim gasped and shuddered, and Sam whispered reassurances. Knowing how hot his dirty talk made Tim, he spoke close to Tim's ear.

"I'm getting you ready, baby. You're gonna be begging me to do it, and when I slide into your hot tight ass, you're gonna love it, Tim. When I come inside you, you're gonna feel it up to your throat, it'll be so hard." Sam continued, explicitly describing what he intended to do to Tim, until Tim was writhing, impaled on three fingers, groaning Sam's name.

"Tell me what you want, baby," Sam ordered.

"You! Oh, god, Sam! Please, Sam, oh please fuck me, please, Sam..."

Sam gently pushed Tim forward onto his hands, and pushed up close behind, lining up. "You want it?"

"Yes, oh yes, Sam. Sam!"

Sam pressed inside, not stopping with the head, just slowly filling Tim. Tim spread his legs wider and his body trembled. It hurt, but it felt intimate and loving as well. Sam paused for nearly a minute, then slowly withdrew and slid home again, and Tim became accustomed to the feeling, the pain and pleasure of it, and began shifting to meet Sam's thrusts. Sam set a rhythm and they rocked together for a long time before Sam's strokes grew shorter and more insistent. Tim felt his own climax build with the faster pace, and when Sam released Tim's cock to hold his hips and ride hard to his finish, Tim took over, stroking his own dick fast as Sam called a warning. That feeling Sam waxed poetic about, the throbbing pulsation of his lover coming was highly erotic. It helped push Tim over the edge, and he came, crying out Sam's name. Sam groaned, nearly choking at the sensation of Tim's tight passage rhythmically squeezing him as Tim came.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

Tim woke in ecstasy with Sam's mouth wrapped around his morning erection.

"Oh, fuck, Sam!" Tim mumbled as soon as he realized what was happening. Sam tongued his glans, swirling several times before deep throating him. Looking down his body to where Sam knelt between his legs, and their eyes met. Sam's smiled, edges crinkling slightly and Tim's answering smile shone across his whole face. Then Sam gave a hard suck and Tim's back arched off the bed. When his eyes opened again, Tim looked at Sam's magnificent ass swaying in the air as he leaned down to blow him, and Tim knew immediately what he wanted.

"Sam..." Tim gasped. He knew Sam liked it when he said what he wanted, so even though he was still uncomfortable with the words, he spoke them anyway. "Sam, I wanna fuck you. Please? God, your ass is waving like a red flag..."

Sam grinned around the cock in his mouth and gave a couple more tongue swirls before he released. Tim sat up and grabbed him by the back of the neck, kissing him hard, then rolling up to kneel beside Sam.

"I think... You should hold the headboard. I want you so bad..." Tim's voice was low and hoarse and Sam shivered. He moved, throwing their pillows off the bed so he wouldn't come on them as he moved up and took ahold as Tim suggested. He pushed his ass back and up, wanting to feel Tim inside him.

"Yeah, Tim, I want you," he muttered, knowing if he didn't say anything that Tim would double check that this was okay. He was always so considerate.

Relieved, Tim reached for the lube. Sam's wanton position made him confident that his lover didn't need any stretching, he wanted Tim's dick. The trust Sam gave him so readily always moved Tim, and Tim stroked Sam's back lovingly with one hand while he lubed himself with the other. Lining up with Sam's entrance, he paused for an instant. Sam felt him right on the cusp and moaned in desire. His cock was throbbing with his own need to come, his ass quivering with his desire to be filled.

Tim slid into the hot canal, dropping forward, one hand on either side of Sam, down on the bed so his chest and face were pressed against Sam's back. He started humping with short, hard thrusts, staying deep inside, listening to Sam's grunts, the sounds driving him higher and higher.

"Ah, Sam! Sam! Fuck, so good, so good..." Tim groaned. Sam tightened on him with his words and Tim choked, driving deep and staying there, gasping.

"Tim, god, please, fuck me. I need you to fuck me baby, please," Sam growled through clenched teeth. Shuddering at the grip on his dick, Tim nodded and then wrapped an arm around Sam's chest, staying low against him, but beginning to withdraw and plunge back inside. "Yes! Tim! Give it to me, baby! Fuck! Ah, fuck me hard! Harder!"

Tim sobbed his pleasure into Sam's shoulder blade and did as he asked, ramming in as hard as he could, deep, powerful strokes making the bed creak.

"Sam, Sam, Sam," Tim chanted. Sweat slicked their bodies as they slid together, colliding with a wet slap each time.

"Tim! Yes! Baby, yes!" Sam cried out.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_I had a line about Tim enjoying Sam begging and planning to make him do it more._

Tim ran his tongue all the way around his glans and Sam called out. Blowing lightly across the wet trail he'd left, Tim smiled at the way Sam's voice devolved to a groan.

"Well, Sam? Are you gonna say it?" Tim asked. Sam shuddered.

"Come on, Tim," Sam moaned.

Tim formed a tight point with his tongue and drove it into Sam's slit, tasting his arousal, his own dick throbbing. Sam shouted, arching off the bed.

"Fuck!"

Tim engulfed Sam's head and laved the length of him before releasing him and sitting up. "Say it," Tim ordered. Gasping, panting, Sam finally gave in.

"Please," Sam called out. "Please, Tim! Oh god, please, please, please!"

Tim's eyes lit up and he dropped back down and returned to sucking and stroking Sam's huge cock.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

"Oh god, Tim! Baby!" Sam cried. Tim's face was buried in Sam's ass, tongue working furiously. Tim suspected Sam was more sensitive in his nether regions than some with the extreme responses he tended to give and his ability to come with no penis stimulation during anal sex. During Tim's research into gay sex he'd discovered Sam was uncommon, though not rare, in his reactions. Tim wanted badly to support Sam in overcoming his 'bottom-shame' and had decided that giving him massive amounts of stimulation and pleasure couldn't hurt that cause. And Tim needed the distraction from the intensity of the case.

"Ahh! Oh fuck! Please Tim, oh god!"

Tim smiled and continued. Sam's body was trembling and Tim knew he was just about at the limit. Tim's dick throbbed, jumping as if it knew it would soon be where it felt best. Tim lubed his hard member and waited another few seconds until Sam's voice rose, begging, then he straightened up and swiftly slid into Sam's hot canal.

"Fuck!" Sam wailed at the sudden penetration. Tim began thrusting hard, moaning aloud at how good it felt. "Tim! Tim! Yes! Yes!"

"Oh Sam, Sam, Sam," Tim panted with each quick motion. Sam buried his face in the pillow, his voice was inarticulate, keening, bellowing, the volume barely muffled. Tim's own arousal skyrocketed with Sam's and he slammed into Sam, his orgasm fast approaching.

Sam reached his first, screaming a long cry into the pillow. The quivering clenching on Tim's sensitized cock sent him flying, curling his thighs against Sam's, dropping his face to the powerfully muscled back, arms wrapped tight around Sam's hard, shaking torso as he spent himself inside his lover. Tears streamed from his closed eyes as he road out the nearly painful pulses of his orgasm.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_This one could go almost anywhere in the series, so don't be surprised if you see it in some future story. In case I don't use it, I'm including it here._

Tim stirred the sauce, having informed Sam that constant stirring was the only way to keep it from getting lumpy. Sam mischievously moved in close behind him and put his arms around Tim's torso.

"Sam! I have to keep stirring-"

"I know," Sam rumbled into Tim's ear. Tim groaned as Sam's hand unzipped his pants and slid inside.

"Oh God, you aren't really gonna-"

Sam nipped his neck, hard, and Tim yelped. "Yeah, I'm gonna. And you're gonna stir the sauce." He fondled Tim to hardness and Tim whined, shuffling his feet back and leaning forward to give Sam room for the hand job. Long, firm strokes, slow and then fast and then slow again had Tim moaning and shifting restlessly. Sam put his lips near Tim's ear and he began whispering.

"Your cock is so perfect. It's perfect when you come inside me, it's perfect when I suck it deep. Oh god, baby, you're so hard. I'm gonna do anything to you I want all night, but I'm not gonna let you come until we go to bed. That way when you come, it's gonna be like a fucking firehose. You'll come so hard, you're gonna go blind..."

Tim was panting, and Sam's strokes were driving him crazy and he was struggling to keep stirring. Sam moved his other hand up and flicked against his nipple. Tim threw his head back against Sam's shoulder, eyes closed, and Sam bit him again. Tim cried out and his eyes flew open.

"Stir that sauce, Tim," Sam ordered. Tim's eyes narrowed. He was done playing. He twisted the knob to shut off the burner and his hand came down, knocking the hand away from his groin. He whirled in Sam's embrace and shoved the big man back against the counter, kissing him hard, then using a new move he'd learned from Ziva, he knocked Sam's feet from under him and got on top of him on the kitchen floor. He had Sam's arms pinned with his knees, and his crotch was right up in Sam's face. Tim smirked, a dark look that surprised and aroused Sam almost as much as him taking the upper hand. Freeing his erection from his pants, Tim pushed it at Sam's mouth, and Sam obediently parted his lips to accept.

The angle was bad. If Tim thrust this way, he'd hurt Sam's arms and really do nothing more than knock against the roof of Sam's mouth. He moved up and kept Sam's arms under the hollow at his ankles, leaning onto one hand so he could thrust between Sam's lips. Sam moaned and Tim paused to give Sam the chance to tap out. Instead, Sam sucked hard, drawing Tim deeper. Tim grunted and began to roll his hips, fucking Sam's mouth. Heat built quickly and he found himself jackhammering hard against Sam's face. Wet sounds, Sam actively swirling his tongue around as much as he could, and Tim was nearly there. He was taken completely off guard when Sam moved and somehow reversed and was suddenly kneeling behind Tim, pushing his own hard-on against Tim's ass through their clothing. Tim made a sound of protest, and Sam tweaked his nipple.

"I told you, you are not gonna come until later, in bed, buried in my ass," Sam growled, humping hard for several moments before he got up and pulled Tim to his feet. Tim glared at his lover, and the cheeky bastard winked at him. Tim lost it and laughed.

"You are a cruel man, Sam Winchester."

"I'll show you cruel if you ruined dinner," Sam informed him, cocking one eyebrow. Tim turned back to the stove, his body calming, and Sam hugged him from behind. Before Tim turned the heat back on beneath the pan, he closed his eyes and snuggled back against Sam, who squeezed tightly for a long moment.

"I love you, Tim," Sam murmured, and Tim turned his head, nuzzling his cheek against Sam's lips.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

"You like that, don't you?" Tim growled, gasping. Sam tossed his head, the words racing through his body making him even hotter.

"Oh, god, yes, Tim!"

"Yeah? Yeah?" Tim bit his lip, some analytical part of his mind amused that he was turned on by the power trip. "Say it, Sam."

"Ah, Tim, yes, baby! I love it. I love how you fuck me. Your cock in my ass, yes, yes!" Being made to say it aloud was even hotter than when he talked dirty just to rile Tim. Hearing Tim, forceful, masculine, knowing he was completely safe but beyond ecstatic, Sam sobbed and cried out. "Oh god, Tim, coming, coming baby!"

Sam's body convulsed with the power of his climax, and the release rhythmically squeezed Tim's dick in such a way he moaned and thrust harder and faster, chasing his own orgasm hard on the heels of Sam's.

Sam had just had the last spurt of completion when Tim's cock throbbed and geysered inside him. Sam wailed at the feel of it in his hypersensitive body. That sensation, always intense for him, was multiplied and Sam saw stars before he collapsed.

Tim followed Sam's body down against the bed, still clinging to Sam's hips, remaining buried inside him as Tim shuddered to a finish.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

Sam grunted as Tim thrust into him, defeated in his attempt at silence by how forcefully Tim had moved. He had seen the almost desperate need in the crystalline eyes and been powerless to ever deny Tim. The eroticism of having sex while Dean, Cas, Benny, and Kevin were in the next room working.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

They rolled across the bed, pulling clothing off with desperate haste. As skin was revealed, it was laved and bitten, moans mingling in the charged atmosphere. Tim's body was twisted, laying mostly face down, and Sam's large hands ran down his sides, groping his ass, stripping the final layer of fabric from his body. Nudging Tim's legs, Sam knelt between them, and his hands kneaded the tight mounds, pushing up, parting them. Tim groaned and arched, opening and presenting himself to Sam. Leaning down, gasping at his need for every inch of Tim's skin, Sam nipped the base of one cheek and Tim jumped, yelping softly into the pillow he'd buried his face in, hugging it with both arms, grounding himself amidst the storm of sensations. Sam spread Tim wide, running his thumb over the tight hole, making Tim jerk, then he dove in, doing what he'd never done before, and tongued the pucker, flicking delicately at first, then more firmly as he found the experience far from unpleasant. Sam's cock throbbed as he licked from the base of Tim's balls back up to the quivering ring of muscle.

"Ahh! Sam!" Tim's voice cried out, loud even through the muffling pillow. He wriggled and shook as Sam ate him, his head tossing, whining, jibbering, begging, completely unaware of the sounds he was making and the effect they were having on Sam.

Tim's cries were driving Sam wild with desire; he aggressively bit and sucked, working Tim's ass like it was his entire existence. Finally, though, his aching hard-on brought his awareness back to other pursuits, and he raised his head.

"Lube, Tim. Now," he ordered. Tim's arm reached for the nightstand before his brain registered the command. Looking over his shoulder as he handed Sam the bottle, he felt a flash of nervousness at the primal, animalistic look Sam was giving him. Sam saw the fear and stroked Tim's back, reining himself in. "Please?" Sam asked, wanting what he rarely wanted, to take Tim, to drive into that insanely hot tightness. Tim licked his lips and nodded: it was always painful, but with the pain came intense pleasure as well and right now, intensity was what they were about. He put his head back down into the pillow and gave himself to Sam. Sighing, Sam lubed his fingers. He wanted to just drive in, pound Tim, listen to him scream, but this was his love, he couldn't do that, didn't want to hurt him, just to feel him, to become one, to bury all that he was in this person he needed so much.

Still more roughly than he'd done before, Sam pushed two fingers into Tim. Tim gasped, having expected either one or the splitting pain of Sam's huge dick. He pushed his ass up, spreading his legs wider, reaching down and beginning to stroke himself. Sam moved on to three fingers, fucking him forcefully and Tim panted in anticipation. And then it was there. Sam spread him wide and pushed close, going slow but not stopping with the head, not giving Tim time to adjust, pressing forward until Tim cried out.

The cry was one of pain, and Sam gritted his teeth and stopped moving. Tim's legs were shaking so hard Sam had to grip his hips tightly, Tim's breath heaving.

"Wait! Wait! Oh fuck, Sam!" Tim said, the pain, a burning tearing feeling too much. He rapidly jacked himself, desperate for the endorphins which would sooth the pain as his body stretched to accommodate Sam's girth. The sharpness eased, and he nodded, relieved. Now came the pleasure. "Yes! Sam! Fuck me! C'mon!" As Sam obeyed, shoving in deep, Tim howled. It still hurt, but coupled with the pain was mind-blowing pleasure as Sam began to ram into him. "Ngh! Sam! Sam! Ngh! Fuck! Sam!"

Sam pounded into the constriction, his want and need to feel totally connected to Tim met by the intimacy of joining together this way. Tears ran down his face unnoticed and he sensed a titanic climax approaching, the first quiver like the vibration on a train rail, increasing, inevitable, rising as he thrust and sobbed and shouted Tim's name. The shaking, the roaring, boiling inside him, vision whiting out, he was coming, the train flying through, tidal wave smashing, his entire essence pouring out into Tim.

The scream Sam gave as Tim felt the heavy, turgid pulses inside him was full-throated, his name, rising like a howl, and Tim came as well, wailing with the searing pleasure.

~~~SPNCIS~~~

_A/N I've been thinking a lot about Tim and Sam's future, and I've started to write a few bits and pieces. So there will probably be more in the Home series, eventually. As my AU stretches out in time beyond where it split off, it seems to get further and further from the original source material, and since I've explored a lot of Sam in Tim's world, returning to the Supernatural part of the 'verse seems to bring it back closer to its roots. I hope you'll join me when I come back to them, and I hope you've enjoyed the peek behind the curtain into my process and the roads untraveled. I'll be revisiting all the reviews and ideas/suggestions people made to see if I want to explore any of those avenues. If you have any other concepts you'd like to see me tackle, feel free to PM me. Any dangling plot threads? PM me. I'm keeping all of the stories active in my documents so I can tickle them as I desire. Hmm…are either of them ticklish? (sigh) Here we go again._


End file.
